To My Dearest,

like honestly,

i hate my body so much and i hate myself for not being motivated enough to make it look better and i hate what my face looks like and i hate how these things bother me so much because they shouldnt. i hate how my body doesnt curve in spots i’d like, i hate how my legs are short and thick, i hate how my skin isnt nice, i hate how i have so much fat around my stomach that i cant get rid of. i hate everything.

mother of fucking god. 

I am incredibly happy that you’re my girlfriend, Jennifer.

Happy. 

You make me happy. Thank you thank you thank you. For everything. It has been a while. I haven’t been this happy in such a long time. Thank you for being a wonderful significant other, thank you for caring, thank you for being you. I like you so, so much. You have no idea. I’m glad I came to Aviation and I’m glad you came too. I would have never met you if I hadn’t or if you hadn’t. I want to be the best boyfriend I can be and I want to make YOU happy as well. I’m going to make this last, alright? I’m not going to lose you.

-Matthew

god, im gonna regret those last couple of posts in a couple hours.

why cant i just always be on good terms with my mother instead of having it on and off. god fucking shit damnit. 

You turned me into one bitter fucking bitch, mom.

I know my thinking gets out of fucking hand sometimes.

But my mom kicked me out fucking again. For no fucking reason. And I fucking hate her. 

When I walked down the street, I wished a car would speed by and crash me and kill me so she’d fucking regret everything she’s ever fucking done and so she can cry over my dead body. 

Im so pissed right now. What the fuck does she want from me. Leave me the fuck alone. I dont need her. I dont want her anywhere near me. She needs to get the fuck out of my fucking life. 

I swear, if she ever lays a fucking hand on me again, Im gonna leave this fucking shit hole. And shes gonna regret ever trying to “handle” me. 

Stop being such a fucking hypocrite, mom. An unreasonable, hypocritical bitch. I dont need another one of those around. Youre supposed to be here to help me with my fucking life but you’re leading me no where. You’re trying to “carve a good person” out of me? Thats fucking hilarious because all you did was turn me bitter towards you. Get the fuck out of my life.

Dont you dare question why I do it if one day I just leave out of no where. You know the fucking reason why. You’re pushing me out of my fucking limits. Stop being such a selfish bitch. Think about MY fucking feelings once in a while. You’re so damn absorbed in yourself. You’re not a fucking queen and I dont have to obey your every orders.